we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
