Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
