I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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