so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
