i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
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I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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