i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
