I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
