all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
