i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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