maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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