just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
