I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
