I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
