we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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