You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I would ride that face into the sunset
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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