I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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