If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
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