I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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