I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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