I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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