he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
