I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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