it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
