gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
