Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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