I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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