Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
