Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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