Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
