my phone needs a breathalizer
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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