Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
