We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
