letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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