i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
