i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
