I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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