Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
