He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
