How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
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