can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
