But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
