Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
