Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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