so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Hippo gnu deer
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
dude. I can hear the air.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
