He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
