I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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