i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
