Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
