I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
