I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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