dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
